A Lesson in Facing My Fears

I'm now 6 days away from getting married... so many mixed emotions, absolute joy, excitement, love, feeling full, nervous and worried about one thing and one thing only - will I fit into my wedding dress on the day???

This one consistent worry of mine has stopped me listening to what my body needs, the last few weeks I have been doing everything from a place of fear.  I had stopped my meditation practice and substituted for pushing myself out of bed, getting hyped up on pre-workout supplements and pushing my body to the limits with crazy hard workouts - and believe me, I know how to push myself to the limits... think ex-Personal Trainer with a hardcore bootcamp mentality... yeah I can push through my breaking point without anyone else around.

I have been putting myself down almost every moment of every day with thoughts of "too fat", "your not going to look as good as you could", "You've put on too much weight", "your ass and legs are huge - what is wrong with you", "you should have done more"... seriously this has been on constant repeat for weeks now.  The first thing I think when I wake up in the morning is - crap I haven't lost any weight since yesterday - and I run my hands over my body in bed and all I can feel is the wobbly bits, then I get up and weigh myself and I hate the number I see on the scales so I instantly have a shit ass day.  Seriously it's been a little bit of mental hell!!  I haven't been stressed about anything to do with the wedding, except for this one thing - I'M NOT GOING TO FIT INTO MY WEDDING DRESS!

You know what, all this negativity towards my body has gotten me absolutely nowhere!

So this brings me to today, 6 days away from my wedding, I woke up - same thing, ran my hands over my body, "ooo i feel a bit tighter this morning" I think, jump up and weigh myself and the number I see on the scales is 3kg more than it was yesterday morning... "WTF!" I looked at myself in the mirror and I thought enough is enough.

Firstly these mother F scales are broken - throw them away, I did not put on 3kg overnight - I ate like a champ yesterday and I have for days / weeks even - Not Possible!

Secondly, I love the way I look right now, I can see a bit of an outline of my abs, I love my shoulders, I love the way my back looks, yeah my butt is a little bigger than I'm used to at the moment, but heck - I can't change that in a week and Kim Kardashian is so hot right now - Hello Big Sexy Butt!  AND my man loves my butt... maybe I should listen to the loving words that come out of his mouth every once in a while.

I stopped myself, went outside and meditated in the warm sun on this beautiful morning.  I calmed my mind down, checked in with my body and I asked myself "what do I need to know right now".

Peace.  Calm.  Relax.  Stop Worrying.  What you concentrate on is what you get.

Click!  Law of attraction 101 - What you think about constantly becomes true for you.

What do I want out of life, how do I want to feel when I see my man standing at the end of the isle on our day, how do I want to start the rest of our lives - with LOVE, pure, all encompassing LOVE.

So with that, I booked myself in for a Hot Stone Massage this morning.  Changed my outlook, if my wedding dress doesn't fit (still a possibility, that much I have accepted) you know what I'll take myself into Myer's or DJ's and I'll find a beautiful white dress that I'm comfortable in and sell the one I've got, it's all going to be ok, I am ok, life is ok, there is nothing wrong with me.

You know what else, when I stopped and opened myself up, my inspiration came flooding back! I haven't felt the pull to blog or do anything over the past few weeks, not even put beautiful pictures up on Instagram or chat with my tribe on Facebook, I really retreated inward.

But I'm so glad that I did, because now I've been reminded of how beautiful it feels to find the light again and I'm humbled to remember that I'm always learning and I'm always improving and life is giving me the lessons that I need at the exact time that I need them.

Tell me, is there anything that has been worrying you lately, that has halted you in your tracks and sent you a little in reverse?  Let me know in the comments below or leave a comment on Facebook.

Love, Love, Love you

xx

Stay True to Yourself by Overcoming Your Fears!

Being real, staying true to yourself, overcoming your fear, pushing through the boundaries that you set for yourself, your life is full of endless possibilities, there is enough abundance for each and every person on this earth, you just have to be willing, deeply and truly open to receiving all that it is you are looking for.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't, that will be true for you.

I've been trying a lot more lately to be a more real and authentic version of myself.  It's not always easy, and sometimes I catch myself being a fake.  I catch myself doing the opposite of what I preach, and not walking the talk, just talking the talk.  This sends me into a place of fear, it makes my ego's voice sound loud and clear in my head telling me I'm failing, if I can't even get this right, how can I possibly be a success in life.

Well I'm ready to face my fear of failing, I'm ready to face my ego head on, because today I am witnessing my fear of failing and I am proud to say that I'm working on overcoming it.  Everyone is always working on bettering them selves and this is just one step in the bigger picture for me, but one thing I can say is that each and everyday I'm getting closer to being an authentic version of myself.

What fears have come up for you lately, maybe you skipped going to the gym because you were worried about what people would think of you; or maybe you didn't speak up in the meeting at work, could you have a deep rooted fear that your ideas will be rejected? By paying close attention to your behaviour, you can begin to get honest about what fears you may have been denying.  By witnessing your fears, you begin to deal with them head on and eliminating them all together.

Try and answer these questions:

1. What experiences trigger my fear?
2. What thoughts trigger my fear?
3. What are the feelings that come over me when I am in fear?
4. How does my fear affect my behaviour?

Don't worry if you find it a little hard to write what your feeling in the beginning.  Just put pen to paper and see what comes up for you.  Once you have recognised your fear repeat the following affirmation:

I am willing to witness my fear, I am proud of myself for doing this work.

Let me know if the comments below what fears you are trying to overcome.

Nicole
xx